Why comparison isn’t always competition — and what our reactions reveal about the edges of our own growth.
I have a lot of components to my business, membership, events, content creation, so it’s not unusual for someone to pull me aside and say, in a slightly scandalized tone:
“Did you see that so-and-so is now doing X?”
You know the tone.
The implication being:
Aren’t you worried?
Sometimes it’s meant as gossip.
Sometimes it’s meant as concern.
Either way, we all know what they really want to know. Am I worried that another woman has now become my competition?
And if I’m being very honest with you, sometimes it does feel that way.
Because when someone else steps into a similar space, your nervous system doesn’t always respond with enlightenment.
Sometimes it responds with a little tightening in the chest.
A quick internal comparison.
A flicker of oh… interesting.
Followed quickly by self-doubt and worry.
“Collaboration over competition” sounds beautiful.
It’s one of those catchphrases everyone loves to get behind, but no one ever talks about how hard it actually is to live.
So before we hashtag #collaborationovercompetition, let’s tell the truth we don’t always want to admit.
Collaboration Over Competition… Until You Get Triggered
When you’re building something you care deeply about, a business, a community, a body of work, it can sting sometimes to see another woman doing something similar.
Especially when she’s your age.
At a similar stage.
Speaking to the same audience.
And speaking from personal experience, if your work is rooted in empowering women? That sting can feel extra confusing. 😅
Shouldn’t I be past this?
Why does this feel threatening instead of inspiring?
Here’s the truth we don’t say out loud enough:
Feeling triggered by other women in business doesn’t make you insecure, misaligned, or un-evolved.
It makes you human.
The work isn’t pretending the trigger doesn’t exist.
The work is learning how to listen to it.
Because if you’re willing to get curious instead of defensive, those moments can become one of the most powerful teachers in your business.
Some of the biggest shifts in my own work have come from noticing when another woman’s work activated something in me, and asking why.
Not so I could compete with her.
But so I could understand what it was reflecting back to me.
And this is where the real work begins.
Because collaboration over competition isn’t tested when everything feels aligned.
It’s tested the moment your body perceives a threat and reacts.
What Collaboration Over Competition Actually Looks Like for Women in Business
So if collaboration over competition is the ideal… what does it actually look like in practice?
Oddly enough, one of the clearest explanations I’ve ever seen comes from a children’s movie. If you’ve ever watched Tinker Bell (can you tell I’m a mom of three? 😂), you’ll remember this moment.
When fairies are born, they’re sorted into categories — tinker fairies, nature fairies, light fairies, water fairies.
The fairies don’t look around at each other and think, they’re my competition.
They share a role.
A skill set.
A purpose.
They are each other’s people.
They learn from each other.
Build alongside each other.
Refine their craft together.
That’s the shift we’re being invited into as women in business.
You can do similar work without doing the same work.
You can share a lane without losing your uniqueness.
The magic ingredient is you.
And sometimes, the women who trigger us the most end up becoming our greatest teachers.
Not because they’re trying to challenge us, but because they’re reflecting something we haven’t fully claimed in ourselves yet.
For me, one of those women is Emily Wilder.
The Gift of Being Triggered By Emily of Dine Wilder
If you’re local to Vancouver, you’ve probably heard the buzz around Emily Shimwell and Dine Wilder. Emily hosts long-table dinners in unexpected spaces. The concept is simple and stunning — strangers gathering around beautiful tables for unforgettable meals.
It’s bloody genius.
And yes… parts of her work and the way she operates in the world triggered the hell out of me.
Her ability to sell out events at high price points?
That hit a nerve, especially after spending the first two years of my business over-giving and severely under-charging.
The way she shares her motherhood journey, lightly, honestly, unapologetically messy, and entirely her own, challenged me too.
For years, I tried to fit my own experience of motherhood into a version that never quite fit me. I knew it wasn’t aligned, but I didn’t yet know how to change it.
There’s a lightness about Emily that I deeply admire.
Seeing someone so publicly refuse to do motherhood, or business, anyone else’s way stirred up feelings.
And then something unexpected happened.
The Moment I Got Called In
One day I was driving home when a voice note from Emily came through.
She told me that when we first met, she thought I didn’t like her. But she could also tell something else was happening.
She could tell she was growing on me.
I laughed when I heard her message.
- Because I LOVE honest, open, slightly awkward conversations.
- Because she wasn’t wrong in picking up on some slightly wonky vibes.
But, what she had actually been witnessing wasn’t dislike. It was activation.
Over the years, I’ve trained myself to pay attention to the people who activate me. I study them. I get curious about them.
Which, combined with my lack of small talk skills and a fairly strong case of RBF (Resting Bitch Face), left Emily feeling uncertain vibes. 😂
But here’s what I’ve learned.
When someone reflects a version of freedom you haven’t fully given yourself yet, your nervous system doesn’t always respond with admiration right away.
Sometimes it responds with tension.
Sometimes with comparison.
Sometimes with a quiet little voice that says, oh… interesting.
But when you get curious instead of defensive, something shifts.
What initially feels like competition often reveals itself as a mirror.
Emily wasn’t a threat to my work.
She was a glimpse of what becomes possible when someone fully trusts their creative instincts and builds something beautifully on their own terms.
Moments like that force you to make a choice.
You can shrink into comparison…
Or you can expand into abundance.
So how do we actually live collaboration over competition, especially when comparison creeps in, and that familiar green monster starts wondering if our turf is under threat?
In this follow-up article, 5 Steps To Stop the Comparison Spiral, Before It Derails You, I share a practical reset for women in business when triggers, comparison, and self-doubt start running the show.
Because the women who activate us are often reflecting the edges of our own growth, the places where we’re being invited to expand, refine, and step more fully into our work.
When you learn to catch the comparison spiral early, those uncomfortable moments stop feeling like threats and start becoming powerful signals pointing you toward your next level.
And that’s where real growth begins.
xx Christine
@YVR.Creatives
About The Author
Christine Coughlin is a content creator and the founder of YVR Creatives, a community dedicated to helping female entrepreneurs share their message, build meaningful connections, and grow their businesses.
She helps women amplify their voices through in-person events and VIP content-creation days by guiding them to feel confident on camera and to create impactful content.
Christine also curates inspiring in-person events, including monthly masterminds, social events, and lunch-and-learns, offering opportunities for women to network, share knowledge, and connect within a supportive aligned community.
Christine lives in the suburbs of Vancouver with her husband, three kids, and one million plant babies. A self-proclaimed personal development junkie, she finds peace and inspiration in nature, whether hiking through the woods or spending time on the water.
